Why I've decided to write some paywalled essays
The power of sharing my more candid and vulnerable thoughts and experiences in building this new writing life of mine
Most of the advice on why we should offer a paid subscription option states the obvious reason: paid subscribers offer us an income stream.
As a chronically ill, and currently ‘no longer in employment’, writer and mum, this potential to earn from sharing my writing online has an equally obvious appeal.
However, like many of us, I come up against a mindset/self-belief block when it comes to asking people to pay to read my writing.
Rationally, I know this is silly. Writers get paid for what they share everyday. I pay to read writers’ work most days too.
Emotionally, it is more fraught - the question of whether I am a good enough writer to ask to be paid for what I choose to share always raises its ugly head.
Writing for Substack is part of becoming a publishing Indie Author
In spite of having a previous career/life as an academic who published a lot for peer review (and survived the process!) I still find publishing my writing for work/income difficult.
The only way for me to get over this block is however, to act in the way I want to feel.
I have to begin to write essays for paid subscribers and treat this writing in the same way that I have no problem in viewing my fiction. I face no mindset block in charging readers to read my books.
I think my block with setting up a paid tier in Substack has been that unlike my fiction where I know my clear aim (to offer an entertaining, escapist experience for readers), I feel doubt over whether my more experiential/personal/memoir writing will be useful.
At the same time, as a mid life, chronically ill mum who has had to change career and is trying to become an indie author - I know that I have an abundance of experiences and expertise to share.
Writing therapeutically and having the confidence to publish what I want
There is also more to writing for the paid subscriber tier than income or some idea of ‘utility’. While obviously both are important, one of the persistent reasons that I wanted to re/start my Substack in the first place was to have a space to write therapeutically.
That is; to write through my more vulnerable and candid thoughts and experiences in order to use the process of writing to make some sense/take action in these challenges.
Of course, there is an argument that this is what journals are for; that therapeutic writing is only helpful after sufficient time, distance and healing turns it into a memoir.
Yet, as a chronically ill mum, my healing is always going to be ongoing. Perhaps endless. And this is where I think I have to call time on simply journalling; increasingly, it runs the risk of becoming repetitive rumination.
In writing to publish - to share - then I am opening up a potential conversation.
In writing this behind the paywall, I am offering myself some hope that the conversation will be with those also seeking their own ways to make sense of challenging times, mindsets, processes. And to share those too.
Modelling the practice of making more of my writing: to myself and to other writers
I know that deciding to write paywalled essays is a sign that I am regaining some confidence and trust in my ability to write for publication - to follow through on the various actions that will make my ambition of becoming a prolific, profitable, publishing indie author a reality.
What if no one wants to pay to read your essays? Let’s find out
I know that I am becoming more confident in my ability to take action on my ambition because I am no longer persuading myself ‘not to bother’ because no one will pay to read.
Perhaps no one will; but the only way to find out is to try.
So I will be trying with a series of paid to read essays reflecting on the more challenging aspects of building this new writing career soon.
You can become a paid Subscriber at any time if you want to help to support me in my ambitions.
I also have a ‘Buy me a coffee’ page and any virtual coffees gifted there are super appreciated and keep me caffeinated and keeping writing!
